Here’s some Memorial Day advice….

Don’t be a jerk today.

I know how you are. You show up at a Memorial Day cookout and start shouting about your job or your small business. You start handing out business cards to strangers and telling people how wonderful your company is at doing XYZ.

Stop it.

This is a holiday and you are at a party. A cookout. Don’t be a jerk.

Wait! You don’t run around spewing your own self promotion today? My bad.

I’ve seen you do it with social media, so I figured that’s what you always do.

Of course I’m being a bit “tongue in cheek” here

The truth is, Twitter, Facebook, LinkedIn and YouTube are more like giant cookouts than anything else.

You need to act the same way online as you would during a cookout.

Do people “sell” at cookouts? Sure they do. But 95% of the time it’s AFTER they have actually met the person and spent a few minutes getting to know them. The 5% who don’t are considered jerks.

Also for those that do it right it’s not a hard sell. Most of the time it’s something like this…

John: I can’t seem to get my pool clean. My wife is bugging me to drain it – but I wish there was an easier solution.

Susan: You know I own a landscaping business and it looks like your problem is the tree cover. All those leaves and sticks keep dropping in. I have a report I wrote about how to keep your trees trimmed if you’d like to read it.

John: That would be great. Do you have it here?

Susan: No. (smiles) Didn’t bring it to a cookout. But give me your email and I’ll send it to you.

John: Thanks.

Obviously this is a condensed version of what the real conversation would be. But you get the idea.

In this example Susan is seen as a trusted advisor/friend – not a salesperson. She is offering John something that will solve a problem with his swimming pool that also happens to relate to her business. She isn’t pushy, she isn’t slimy she is HELPFUL.

And what did she have to do to achieve this? ACT HUMAN.

Now all Susan has to do is figure out a way to do the same thing online. She can offer people advice and value in return for their email address. This is a perfect example of how online and social media marketing should work.

Today’s Action Step

I know this is a holiday in the United States. So here’s your action step. While you are hanging out with friends and family today spend some time thinking of ways you can offer something for free that will help people solve an immediate problem. This is your ticket to attracting more customers and clients.

Happy Memorial Day.

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Joel Mark Witt is the Publisher of Folk Media and author of 21 Days To Twitter Leadership. He is a producer, author, and speaker who consults with businesses and nonprofits on how to use social media in marketing and communications. Get more from Joel on Twitter or Google Buzz.

*Photo by AblazeTheMage

If you scroll through any social media or marketing how-to website, you’ll most likely find an article about why conversation is important in building relationships.  In fact, we have quite a few of those articles on this website.  It’s true – conversation generates connections and connections lead to great opportunities.  However, conversation only opens a small amount of doors.  And, it can also hurt your push for greatness.

If conversation and connection isn’t the key, what is?

Action.

Without action, our conversations, connections, and attempts at networking are useless.  Yes, conversation is needed to establish rapport but it can’t be the only thing you use to establish your relationships with others.  You don’t have a relationship with the security officer in your building who you happen to greet each morning.  You’ve done nothing to establish a rapport; you’ve only allowed pleasantries to roll off your tongue.  Kindness and smooth talking can only get you so far.  Actions help to build relationships and increase your chances of success.

So, now that you know relationships aren’t built on conversation alone, what can you do to develop the connections you’ve made?

Gratitude

It’s a simple step that individuals often avoid – showing gratitude.  Why?  It makes us feel uncomfortable.  Gratitude requires giving up your selfish interests and doing something for others.  Although it can weird us out, showing gratitude toward others is an instant relationship builder.  Receiving a selfless act of kindness is one of the best feelings and can often compel people to return the favor.

Here’s an example:

Throughout the week, we talk to many people through the Folk Media account.  Whether it’s via @replies or direct messages, we engage in conversation.  It spreads the word about Folk Media but it also allows for us to plant the seeds of relationships in others.  However, we know this isn’t the key to relationships.

Every Friday, we go through the past week of Twitter conversations and we #FollowFriday everyone that has talked with us.  We don’t just list everyone in a single tweet and call it a day.  We take the time to highlight the good aspects of each person – great conversationalist, good website, knowledgeable about social media, etc.  Giving Twitter props is a great way to show gratitude and it helps us get more exposure because most people return the favor.

Yes, it’s simple and doesn’t require much effort but in the end, most actions of gratitude don’t require much on your part.  Show some gratitude and you’ll begin to see your network and relationships grow.

Preemptive Action

It’s a no-brainer but preemptive action is really the best way to start off a relationship.  Not only does it make a great first impression, but it also shows the other person that you’re interested in helping them out and that you want to partner with them.  When people feel like someone cares about them, they begin to think of better ideas, create more informative content, and achieve more.  So, why wouldn’t you meet the needs of another person?

A great way to do this is just by asking “What can I do for you?”  Your new aquiaintance might be hesitant at first but after a few minutes, they will begin talking about how you can help them.  I often put this question to work when I connect with someone I don’t know on LinkedIn.  I send them a personalized introductory message and ask what I can do for them.  Some people respond and others don’t but it’s all about the effort.  The relationships that can be built with preemptive action are amazing.  Put yourself out there and serve another person before you need something from them.  At the end of the day, people are going to remember more what you did for them than what they did for you.

Make a good impression and stick in their mind.  You never know what a simple preemptive action might do to your career, home life, or retirement fund.

Conversation is great and it can lead to some excellent opportunities but it’s only the first step in relationship building.

So many people rely on conversation alone to get them through job changes, family issues, and personal problems.  However, actions have more influence than simple conversation.  Actions can show you really care about the relationship and will help create a network based on trust, not simply words.

I challenge you to take action in one relationship each day this week.  Do something for another person and mean it.  You never know how you will be repaid…

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Eric Alpin is the Associate Editor of Folk Media and works for a telecommunications company in Baltimore, Md. He is a social media enthusiast, blogger, writer, and student with a passion for leadership and self-development strategies and techniques. Find out more about Eric on Twitter.

*Photo by flaivoloka

I posed this question on Utterli and Twitter. You can listen to the audio here:

*This recording was made using my mobile phone on a free service called Utterli.

Leave your feedback in the comments section below or comment in real time by following Folk Media on Twitter.

Joel Mark Witt is a producer, speaker, and new media leader who writes about social media and its impact in the business world. He is also the Founding Director of Folk Media. Send him an email: joelmarkwitt (at) folkmedia.org or follow him on Twitter.

*Photo by eye2eye